you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
