here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
