You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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