Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
