it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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