Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
