Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
