Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
