Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
