if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he just fucked me for my cheese..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
