Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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