Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
