I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
