i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
