Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
