the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
