Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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