roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
