You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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