I feel like abortions should bother me more
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
