i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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