I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
