I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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