I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
