So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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