it wasn't lemon gatorade
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
