Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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