Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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