Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
