I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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