dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
