who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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