you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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