This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
