Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
