youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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