just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
