You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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