And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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