I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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