So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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