I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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