His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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