when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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