OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
