you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
