Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
