You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
