he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had sex on a roof
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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