I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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