That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
