I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
