based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
