I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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