Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
