I think im going to throw up on grandma
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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