Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
