Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The best revenge is premature balding
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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