1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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