So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
