babies were throwing up all over the place
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
