The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
