Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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