You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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