I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
