Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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