she woke up with a sticky ear
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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