So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
