My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
