Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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