Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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