I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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