I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im holly from the hills drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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