oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
