2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
