Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's shark week go big or go home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
