if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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