Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
